bluebutton's Xanga

Exceeding expectations

Mon, 21 Dec 2009 01:59:48 GMT

After the disappointment of last week, we headed off to a mega-church a bit further away. We found it on the Verge website as a sponsoring church. Verge covers many of the values we have so we thought we'd check it out. In truth it's not THAT far away, but it's away from the center of town and in a direction we never go in.

We had looked on their website and had some idea that this was a large church. However, we had no idea. This time it wasn't the size of the auditorium that was striking--we didn't even notice until the middle of the service--it was the rows and rows of packed visitors parking. We jumped on the first spot we could find and headed in. There were helpful directories on the walls pointing toward the kids area and we kept following and following them without seeing the kids area. Along the way, lots of people cooed about the cuteness of the mini. What mother doesn't love that? After we passed 2 or 3 signs, N stopped and asked a guy who looked like he knew what was what, whether there was a nursery program. He said there was and took us there. It was up a couple stairs, down a hall, and then there was a check in counter in what looked like Disneyland. The check in counter was the official looking side of a "foyer" where all the walls were painted to be like shops in a town square. The guy waited with us at the counter until someone could help us, turns out he was the facilities manager. Check in was, like the other churches, an affair. I did not know that kid stealing was such a big deal, and maybe it isn't. But universally at all the churches where we have used the nursery there is a rigorous system for matching parents with kids. If you don't have the corresponding kid tag, you don't get to pick up the kid. (Or that's what they say. I don't know what they do if you lose your tag.)

The mini has learned to differentiate between people these past couple weeks and has started to display preferences. When we dropped her off into the arms of a giant stranger man, she looked at us mournfully like, "You're really leaving me with this guy? Boo hoo, boo hoo." The guy told us she'd be fine and gently shoo-ed us off. (Guess we looked like anxious parents unaccustomed to baby crying upon dropoff).

As we headed back toward the auditorium, we passed a "Connections Center" so we poked our head in. Some people were talking but didn't seem like they were going to break up to talk to us. But we braved the unknown and kind of walked in. An older couple stepped up to greet us. After a brief introduction, the wife said, "This is the best church ever." Wow. The enthusiasm. "...the pastor is great. He's so humble, the humblest pastor you've ever met. Why don't you go meet him, he's over there." And she led us to meet the pastor. We did get to talk with him a few minutes before the service and he was quite nice. I don't know if this church is the best church ever with the humblest pastor but they definitely have the right people welcoming newcomers. When it was time for service to start the couple offered to sit with us which was the novelest welcome idea I've ever encountered and I've been going to church my whole life.

A couple more notes about this church. It appears that they really appreciate the different giftings of people in their congregation. From the aesthetics of the wall decorations, to their website, to their gift bags, it's clear they have a group of people who think about visual appeal and can execute. It's also clear that they have some techy techy people. There's a lot of tech that seemed to run smoothly without calling attention to itself. I doubt most non-nerds would even think about how they are integrating sound, video, and subtitles while also broadcasting to other locations, while also paging parents from the nursery. Of course there's the warm-hearted welcomers, but someone is behind the scenes organizing the welcomers and the nursery and the small groups and on and on. They have some people really gifted in organization and logistics.

That's all good and nice, but really I love the heart that I saw. For one, I saw African-Americans. We haven't seen African-Americans at the other churches we've visited, but there were a noticable number of Af-Am families. On top of that, the service is translated into 2 other languages and signed. My experience with mega-mega churches is that they are largely white. This unassuming multiethnicity thing is new to me, and I like it. The couple that greeted us told us two things off the bat that we didn't necessarily think to know about a church. 1) It carried no debt. 2) It expanded not by increasing site capacity but by starting new church plants. The debt thing sunk in the more we experienced how many resources the church had and their attention to detail--all that and no debt? Impressive. When I told the wife that our last church had 130 people, she recommended we look at the website and check out the church plants because they would be smaller. The church has planted about 20 churches in the local area, 3 of them are within 3 miles of us. They are really serious about reaching this metro area.

I think we're still in shock to be so warmly welcomed at a mega-mega church. We're sort of hyper-localists and the church feels outside the world we inhabit, so that gives us pause. But I think it's also given us a sense of what we're looking for which we didn't know a month ago. It's a place where we feel we can recharge and sit under some great teaching, but it's also immediately obvious that there are many opportunities to participate in the kingdom work this community is involved in.

I'm encouraged.

The development of will and intention

Wed, 16 Dec 2009 09:18:18 GMT

It is amazing what blobs infants are. They start not even being able to see across the room. Their sensorium is so restricted. Around 2-3 months, the mini would grasp things if her hand accidentally ran into it. Around 4-5 months, she would grab at things within basic arms reach. By 6 months she was a reacher. Twisting and stretching, a-flippin, and a-floppin trying to get things in her hand and to her mouth. This of course made bath and diaper time funner.

In the past month or so, the mini has been perfecting her belly scoot which is starting to look like a proficient army crawl. It started with basic helicoptering, rotating on a point, and rolling over. It was fun to see her do combos of rotating and rolling to get closer to what she wanted. Pretty clever that mini. But now, she has given this up for the efficiency of beelining it to whatever has captured her attention, ya know: power cables, outlets, nightlights, tissue paper, all the things a parent really wants their child to be captivated and motivated by. This is a straightline directional scoot, scoot, scoot. Pretty cute.

Fortunately, at the same time she is developing and expressing her will, she is starting to become aware of ours. At about 9 months which she will be shortly, infants develop joint attention, the ability to look at a third object with another person. Joint attention is what allows a parent and child to look at a book together for example. Last time we read with her, I think she tried to eat the book. Soon, I hope, she'll be able to figure out that mommy is looking at the book and she is too. This, I hope-again, will help her to figure out that when mommy says No. Don't touch, that mommy's current will is the opposite of the mini's current intention. Right now, when she reaches for an outlet, I can say No. Don't touch, and she does look back at me before reaching again. I haven't figured out if I'm interrupting her course of action or if she's actually stopped her first course of action and is rebelliously making a second go of it. And I'm not sure if I should swat her hand or simply move her.

Ah the parent as child psychologist. Sigh.

Fail

Sun, 13 Dec 2009 21:52:07 GMT

So we went to church 4 this morning. But when we drove to the Middle School where the website said they met, there were no signs and no people.

After we got home, I wrote some of the emails listed on the website. One guy wrote back to say that the church dissolved and merged into two other congregations at the end of October.

Great for them. Wish they had taken down their "church" website and not wasted our time.

God bless them anyways.

Well, that's disappointing

Sat, 12 Dec 2009 01:51:38 GMT

Here's the latest in our adventures in church hunting.

With my mother in town, we thought we'd give another Chinese church a shot so this past Sunday we visited what seemed to be a or the significant Chinese congregation in the area. It was a cold and dreary day and service started at 9:30. Growing up we left home for church at 8:45, but most recently, I've been accustomed to a church start time of 10:30 and enjoyed the delicious lateness of it all. 9:30 is a bit on the early side but we managed. Their website had helpful information for how to get to the church buildings because you could see the church long before you figured out how to get into the parking lot. They very nicely had well-labeled visitor parking spots which were all empty when we arrived, so we picked one and then went in the nearest door.

The nearest door opened into a foyer ahead of what looked like a sanctuary. People bustled about while we four stood damply looking around. A couple people looked at us, but no one greeted us or moved in our direction. Finally my mom asked, "Can someone help us?" Pause. Then some guy put down his newspaper and responded. We asked where the English service was and the nursery. He took us back out in the rain down to another building tucked away. There we found both the English service and the nursery.

The nursery was behind a set of double doors that had been painted silver to mimic an institutional stainless steel look. In front of the double door was a "nurses window" with stern sounding signs telling parents not to forget their cards or that children could only be picked up if presented with their cards. So we stood in this line and thought, "Wow, they are really big on child security. Look they even scan barcodes on the back of cards. And are those photo IDs? Wow." We had maybe 5-10 min before the service started and felt we might make it on time. After waiting in line for 5 min, we got to the window ourselves and were give a form to fill out. So we get out of line and go fill out the form. Then we get back in line, hand over the form, and are given 2 stickers. One for the mini's back and one for us to use to check her out. Kinda tedious, but so far so good. We take her down the hall to the last room where they keep the little babies. The room was dark and we knocked. But I saw the room across from it was for nursing. The mini needed nursing, so I told N he and my mom could go to the already started service and I would nurse the mini.

In the nursing mother's room, there was another lady and her 14 m.o. son. The mini nursed, I made the smallest of small talk with the woman. I found her son's name and that was it. The mini nursed for quite a while, I changed her diaper and then went back to the room where we had been sent. Now a light was on, the door was open, and I went in. There was a woman in there, but she looked confused when I showed up. It turns out that the mini was the only baby that age and there were no caregivers for her age group, but I was welcome to sit in the room with her and play with her. And look, there was even a button for piping in the sound from the auditorium. She was nice and friendly but busied herself with something in the cupboards and dropping things on the floor in front of me for the mini to play with. And then she left. So there I was. Me, my baby, a bunch of toys, a large empty, cold room with a speaker piping in sounds from the auditorium. Mmm, why did I just go through that long and involved check in process? Why was I holding this check out sticker if I wasn't going to be dropping my kid off? If I wanted to play with my kid by myself for the morning, I could have stayed at home and listened to a sermon online.

The first church we visited didn't have childcare for us and we just kept her with us during the service. We've done that a lot and don't mind. The second church had a huge children's program and were really great with the mini, even having someone specially walk around with her to calm her when she was sad. This third church had all the airs of really putting a lot into their children's program which is probably why I'm so disappointed. If the woman in the classroom had offered for her to go up to the next grade and be watched there, or found someone who regularly attended to just pitch in for the day, or even told me to just go sit in the special area for mothers with young babies, I think I would have felt a lot better. But somehow she seemed to expect that I should stay in this cold room by myself.

The service that day was testimonies and baptisms. I think that's really great and I'm glad to hear about what God is doing in the lives of these brothers and sisters in Christ. But honestly, as a new person in a new place, it just magnified the sense of being alone. I had no idea who these people were apart from what they revealed in their testimonies through their disembodied voices. Also, I could sense the community and warmth these people experienced at this church and it contrasted so startlingly with what we were experiencing. As a mixed couple, we are never certain how a church community will see us. (This is weird in the sense that I don't think we worry about how his co-workers see us or how a bowling league would see us for example.) Apart from the woman in the classroom, the only other person that talked to us was a Caucasian guy, the only Caucasian guy I saw that day apart from N. I don't know what's worse, having no one talk to you outside the nursery like at the second church, or only having the one Anglo guy at a Chinese church talk to you like at this third church.

As I said, disappointing. Somehow my expectations were higher whether appropriately or not. This is the first church we're not returning to because of our experience there. But well, there are a lot of churches here so you gotta shorten the list somehow, right?

Different

Wed, 02 Dec 2009 03:09:43 GMT

One thing we never took for granted before we moved is how much we appreciated our friends, particularly the ones in our church. People talk about how church is supposed to be like family, but in talking with various friends and family, a church family is very difficult to find. When I say we left a church family, I mean we left a community of people who were with us through thick and thin, when we were awesome and when we were asses. Were there irritating things and people in our church family? You betcha. But that's family, and you deal.

So now that we're in a new town we're somehow supposed to find a new "family". That is pretty weird. I mean, there's no real analog for picking family except for dating cuz it's not like you can pick your siblings, they just are your siblings or they're not. So we're kinda church dating except we haven't really defined what we're looking for in a church.

The first Sunday we were here, we visiting a church down the road. We had passed it driving around and we're open to finding another Asian-American community, so it seemed like a possibility. Late Saturday night we looked up their website and lo-and-behold the next day was going to be one of a handful of joint services they have each year combining the English congregation with the Chinese congregation. Well, we decided to go anyway and brave the translation. Awkward. One guy asked us if we spoke Taiwanese cuz that's what the sermon was going to be in. Apparently, he forgot that it was going to be a joint week. The singing leaders clearly hadn't rehearsed for a joint session so while the English words were posted with the Chinese, we didn't know how the English words went with the music. By the by, I don't speak Taiwanese. I thought that the Taiwanese they referred to on their website referred to a geographic or political affiliation. Even at church in Taiwan, the services I've attended have been in Mandarin. Awkward. On the upside, after the service I think we met the whole English speaking congregation. They were about a dozen people and super friendly. We stayed for lunch and got to talk with a lot of people. Everyone loved the mini, she's a great icebreaker.

The second Sunday we were here, I had to take my brother and sister-in-law to the airport at 5:30. So the only stipulation we had on a church to visit was something later in the morning or early afternoon. We ended up at a different church. By different, I mean a very Anglo, very large institutional church. It's not that the church lacked culture, it just clearly didn't regularly run into cross-cultural issues. It was kind of a Walmart-mega church experience. Everything was very polished; there was nothing awkward about this service. The children dedication was sincere, and the preaching was a reminder about how scripture can be taught to people in a way that is revealing and encouraging. I loved that there were no bells and whistles, nothing flashing around on a screen, no video clips. Just a preacher, his Bible, and an unpacking of text for people to learn and apply.

The only kinda awkward thing was figuring out the campus. We saw a signed for the children's ministry on a building near visitor's parking and brought the mini. We talked with the nursery lady who was super friendly, filled out some forms, and then needed to nurse. N didn't want to miss the sermon and we were told there was a nursing mother's room in the main sanctuary building, the "worship center". So we walked over to that building and found the room which had it's own flat screen showing what was going on in the sanctuary. It took a bit to figure out how to get sound out the speakers, but N figured it out and we watched the pastor pray for various children while I nursed the mini. Then we walked back over to the nursery and dropped her off and came back to finally sit in the sanctuary. As we rounded the corner to sit with the congregation, N mouthed a huge wo::w. Yea. The space was pretty big. The service was great and then we left to get the mini. We got the mini and left. No one talked to us except the nursery lady who was really nice and helpful. So yea, there's that too. Not really having anyone to talk to was kind of a bummer. The following week they were having a lunch for newcomers, but getting to know people seems like it would be difficult.

Anyways, more thoughts later. Gotta go...nurse, I think.

Thanksgivings on Thanksgiving Sunday

Sun, 22 Nov 2009 13:14:32 GMT

It seems impossible that we arrived here just less than a week ago. Last Sunday, our autotransporter, Autozipper, dropped our cars off at our friends' house around midday. Lil L and I flew in that evening and picked up my car before driving to my cousin's house on the other side of town.

Bright and early Monday morning, we met with a real estate agent who took us around to look at rental properties. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, N oversaw the loading of the ABF trailer. We hired 2 movers and a couple of guys from church also helped empty out the apartment. By late morning, our stuff was loaded and we were ready to put in an application on a rental house.

Tuesday, I drove around running errands and by drove around I mean about 120 miles of driving around. It's so easy to get around here that you drive for 15 minutes and you've gone 12 miles. Part of the errand running was getting things together for the rental application which went in late that morning. N was still back home, doing some last minute stuff before P Soon picked him up to take him to the airport. Driving to pick up N @ 6PM was the only time I've experienced traffic here thus far. It was definitely traffic, but I don't anticipate needing to take the N-S artery by downtown around 6PM very often.

Wednesday and Thursday was a lot of sitting at home and waiting to hear back from the rental office about whether our application was approved. Most rental units don't come with washers and dryers even though there are hookups, so I went to the local big box stores and tried to scope out the situation. As an aside, in buying these major appliances, customer service has meant a great deal. The first store where I encountered great customer service made me want to do my business there. But the other store fit our needs better. Thankfully, when we went back to this other store to check things out again, we got a really good guy working with us and I feel better about getting our stuff from there.

Thursday evening we got a call saying our app was approved, so we immediately started hooking up utilities. Being occasionally morose people, we had joked that we are such internet people that no matter how fast we could get internet service, we would be waiting twice as long as we wanted. So we were pleasantly surprised that the cable internet people were ready to hook us up the next day. But since we were signing the lease on Friday, we bumped the cable internet back to Monday. What a pleasant surprise. This city allows you to order most of your utilities online which is great, except for the gas company that said it needed 5 business days to hook up our gas. With Thanksgiving next week, 5 business days is early December. So the next morning, I called the gas company and used Lil L as my trump card for needing heat and hot water sooner rather than later. Instead of early December, gas will be turned on on Monday. YAY!

After sitting around my cousin's house for 2 days, Friday we went out to breakfast (really brunch) and then to look at appliances together. Of course this would be the day that torrential downpours swamped the area. Well, after record heat this summer, I suppose the area needs it. Lil L got to experience rain. Anyways, by the end of the day, we had signed a lease for a 4 BR house 2 blocks from a park and a few miles from N's new work place to the West and a few miles from my cousin's to the East. We took the keys and drove to the house and started to make a list of things we would need to get and measurements for appliances and such. Friday night my cousin went to see New Moon. Her husband wisely stayed at home and we played Rockbankd on their new 52" flatscreen. Sweet.

I'm out of time to tell about Saturday, but as you can already tell, we have been wonderfully taken care of by God, family and friends.

Thoughts

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 12:39:32 GMT

1) Thanks, Veterans, for the labor and sacrifice on behalf of the country.

2) As I think about this move, I am realizing how important family is. So far, my mother, mother-in-law, and a cousin have visited and helped us pack. Additionally, when we get to the other side, I'll be staying with another cousin, and over Thanksgiving my brother and his wife are coming to help settle in. Between Thanksgiving and Valentines, it looks like my mother and in-laws will come again and possibly an aunt. All of them has been fantastic in being helpful in a time of general chaos.

3) Umm. So in case you only get news about me from here, yea, we're moving. N over the summer decided to get in touch with his old headhunter and put feelers out. This would probably have been a good move in general just because the timing felt right on many levels. However, Monday a public announcement was made that his company will layoff over 1000 workers and there are rumors his entire studio will be cut. So it's a nice feeling to have a job offer in hand ahead of the uncertainty.

N's new job is ironically in a field that I was looking into earlier this year, serious games. Serious games are oriented toward training and outcomes. I am interested in validating claims of cognitive improvement that some games advertise. N's new job is at a place that is developing simulation software for the military and emergency/first responders. We both hope that this new job will have less "crunch time" than the last one.

And about the move, it's out of state to a city neither of us has any familiarity with. However, in the past year, both of us have had friends move there which we hope will ease our transition. We visited it in the fall and it seems like a pretty chill place. I think we're excited about moving there, but mostly we'd just like the move to be over.

I'm finally back on Xanga cuz it's 5AM and our Lil L is not asleep and not willing to be left alone. So I'm awake sitting next to her crib while she plays around with stuff.

Saying goodbye when you can't say goodbye

Sun, 08 Nov 2009 05:34:21 GMT

N got a new job out-of-state and we're moving in a week. Today, we're giving our attempt at saying goodbye instead of sneaking out in the relocation rush. We've invited many of the people who have been friends through thick and thin to have lunch with us. But honestly, this can only be a shadow of an attempt.

Our thoughts and space are dominated by boxes of stuff, all over, everywhere. We're juggling last minute doctor visits, filing paperwork, taking care of mail, coordinating all the people involved in packing and moving cars, household items, and ourselves, coordinating all the people who have generously offered to help us on the other side, and so forth. You get the picture. We are steeped in the immediate, multitude of details.

I think we'll be ready to say goodbye after Thanksgiving.

What I enjoy about now

Sun, 06 Sep 2009 00:04:49 GMT

Being a new mother has involved some standard new baby change, but in my case also come with a major stage of life change when I finished my degree a couple months after the mini was born. I've pretty much been a stay at home mom since I filed all my paperwork. I've kind of talked about doing research, but I haven't really. At times, my lack of academic productivity has sent me into the abyss of existential angst. However, there are some things about now that I'm really enjoying.

As much as I sometimes freak out about how much attention and care the mini requires, I'd rather be available to her than not. Pretty much everyday there's a moment where I feel it's pretty awesome to be with her. (There's also often a long hour of wailing.)

Because the mini is a chill baby, I have a lot more flexibility than I expected to be available to people. A couple times a week, I have the opportunity to be an encouragement to someone by spending time with them. Where it is really difficult to find a chunk of time to focus on research, it is pretty easy to find chunks of time for people, even spontaneous time. Oddly enough, phone time is difficult, probably because it requires having a hand free to hold the phone. But for face to face interaction, I haven't yet spent time with someone who seems bothered that I'm holding or even nursing a baby while talking.

For most of the past three years, the goal of finishing my degree has prioritized my time for me. And basically, saying "no" was the default choice and any "yes-s" had to be carefully considered. Now that I'm done, after taking care of my family, I'm pretty free to be available to others. I really like that. If I didn't feel responsible to my degree, I think I'd really enjoy continuing to take care of my family and build up the people around me.

Sabbath rest for a mother

Tue, 01 Sep 2009 01:10:28 GMT

Arg...I just had a large post disappear on me via a few misplaced keystrokes.

Anyways, the jist of what I was thinking was, given that my work is caring for the mini which cannot be set aside on any day, how do I observe the Sabbath rest? The mini needs feeding, cleaning or soothing every day of the week. In theory, N could do these things once a week, but is that taking away from his Sabbath rest?

Wish I knew some mother actively trying to observe the Sabbath. I guess I could try to find some observant Jews?